November 2nd, 2006
A Top’s Guide to Bondage Bottoms. 5 – Matchmaking.
- Introduction
- The Roles & Definitions
- Basic Psychology of Bondage
- Types of Bondage Bottoms
- Matchmaking
- Figuring Out Your Bottom
- Play Suggestions
5 – Matchmaking
So how do you know if someone is compatible with your interests? Many tops have a fair amount of flexibility but it only goes so far. If a top meets a Gear Fetishist and doesn’t have the sort of gear they’re into, things are not likely to turn out well no matter how hard the top tries. Likewise, some tops may not be willing or sufficiently experienced to inflict the kind of pain an Endorphin Pig craves. Compatibility is clearly important.
Too often, bottoms select a top based mainly on trust, appearances and personality with little regard for exactly what the top’s into. For the Submissive Slave, that’s probably OK. For some of the other types, however, it may result in both being disappointed. Matchmaking is obviously important in finding compatible play partners yet it’s amazing how casually it’s often done. You can trust your instincts for some things but that’s only half the battle in finding a bondage partner.
Tops usually know what turns them on. They often started as bottoms and even if they didn’t, have a good idea of what they’re after. Many are still bottoms at heart who, for whatever reason, are mostly in the top role. For these tops, in particular, it’s usually important the bottom be into their kind of scene. The closer the bottom’s interests are to what they’d enjoy as bottom, the better the scene.
Some tops are genuinely versatile. They’re unselfish and enjoy pleasing the other person. They can often accommodate most types of bottoms, but the more they know about the bottom the better the scene’s likely to be. Many tops don’t ask the right questions. I’ve often been asked something like, “So tell me about your interest in all this?” Such an open-ended question usually leaves a nervous bottom at a loss for words. A few tops hit the other extreme and give the bottom a detailed questionnaire in advance. While a questionnaire usually helps define specific kinds of play I’ve yet to see one that covers why the bottom is into the scene in the first place. It’s a question that’s best asked in person (or perhaps over the phone) but often is never asked at all.
Copyright ©1997 Michael Nelson.
